WEIGHT IN/ BACK ON TRACK!!!!!
Jun 10, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXOY1lcD7UM

[Music]
good morning we are on Monday
gosh the weekend went so fast I had so
much stuff I had to catch up on though
that it just went fast like I can't
believe how fast so we can win I don't
know how many times I can say that fast
anyways so today is a week well last
Monday Ramadan was still here so I was
still fast eating stuff so today marks
my freshness revamp restart everything
windows are a little bit odd and anyways
so I got up I got up this morning and I
did by weigh-in now remember I said I'm
gonna do my way in my foot my first
official weigh-in like since I haven't
been weighing and I went ahead and did
no wait I did a weigh-in sorry and then
I'm not gonna weigh in for a while and
that's just because I don't want it to
be all about the scale so much as I want
to show different off scale victories
that I'm able to accomplish and do and
things like that so I just wanted to
make that out there that
I don't I don't want to you know commit
that I'm going to weigh in you know
every week because like I said it was
getting to the point of naturalism for
me it was getting to the point where it
was all about the skill and not oh that
guy scared me um not about the skill it
was art it wasn't about my weight loss
and my health is starting to become
anything about the scale and I just
don't I don't want that I want my
victories to be because I earn them not
because I'm worried about numbers on the
scale I know that may not make sense to
many but that's just where I'm at while
also working with you know the
controlling of the different issues that
I deal with on a daily basis with you
know the bad eating habits and things
like that
I just want my journey to be focused on
so many things rather than just the
scale because the scale does not to say
where you're at on the worthy level the
scale doesn't tell you where you're at
on your accomplish level if that makes
any sense I know that probably sounds
kind of 89 backwards but in reality it's
the truth like so we get so many people
get fixated on a scale and the numbers
and if you only lost a pound or you
gained a pound then all of a sudden it's
like your whole the whole work that
you've done before that time is like
almost thrown out the window because
then you just fixate on that one number
that you either went up or the one
number you didn't lose enough of so
that's why I'm saying I don't want to
just fix e8 strictly on the scale not
saying I'm not gonna weigh in I will be
weighing in for you guys don't get me
wrong I will but I'm not gonna say that
I'm doing it every single week I will do
it when I feel the need to but I just
want to really work hard on everything
else starting today I am getting back
into
my exercising and my moving and things
like that so I'm really excited just to
get re back into my into my daily
routines and get the weight back off and
more weight off because you know I was
feeling really good and then I did gain
weight which I'll put that clip in here
so I am 449 the last time that I can
find I may be wrong but I cannot find
anywhere else where I weighed in
so my last weigh-in that I can find is
434 but I know I was less than that at
one point cuz I want to say my lowest
weight was for either 426 or 428 don't
mark my word on that because I can't
remember 100% I know it's on my videos I
just haven't had a chance to go all the
way back I did go back on some of them
but I for some reason cannot find the
one that I was looking for I'm gonna
stop and get me a nun sweet tea on my
way to counselling so I have something
to drink
but anyways so you know I definitely did
some weight gain you know and I know I
did that weight gain from being very
irresponsible with my choices of eating
you know and it wasn't really my choices
of eating so much as my movement my
movement has gone down significantly and
I know that's what played a huge part in
my weight loss this last time was the
movie in the movie and the movie will be
moving and this time I just started
stopping and you can't stop like I mean
even though my eating habits want her I
mean they were ferocious I'm not gonna
stay here and be like oh I sell it the
whole time and I still get no no I
didn't just eat salad I did start doing
my eating fast food and things like that
but can I just do a large unsweet tea
extra ice and that will be it thanks
anyways so I'm not gonna stay here and
be like oh no I didn't you know I didn't
do anything to cause it
yeah
thank you
thank
headquarters so my god it was cool might
as well use my quarters instead of
breaking a five anyways so I'm not gonna
stay here and be like oh I didn't eat
fast food and I just strictly stuck on
track no no sister no I did not just
stick straight on track and I will own
that until I own until I owner so that
definitely is not the case but I'm here
to say that there's always a new day and
there's always
[Music]
thank you over that you too
I'm sorry so anyways just the whole
getting back into routine and all of
that and you know and that's why I kind
of relaxed a little bit during Ramadan
because it's kind of hard to be in a
routine when you only eat the one time a
day you know if there there's just not
enough time in the amount of time that
you can eat because I don't stay up all
night long you know I literally I mean
my eyes I am like pilling them to stay
open at 12 o'clock and when you can
break fast at 9:00 that only gives you a
window of a couple hours to try and feed
yourself and the thing is is that
because I am at that point in my life
where you know I have to be very
cautious about eating past your full
filling you know and respecting that on
your body that I won't do that anymore I
don't eat past my fulfilling when I
start to feel like I'm getting satisfied
I stop so then in return a couple hours
later you know when I'm asleep my body
is getting hungry again and so I'm not a
weight to
to feed it and I will not will not start
the whole waking up at the middle of the
night and eating a snack that is the
worst habit people do I will say my
mother does that oh my gosh she will get
up at any time of the night to three
o'clock in the morning show them up and
she'll make a sandwich or something
which my mom's not big don't get me
wrong but I can't I will not know
because five stars that habit you guys I
will not be walking so no once I go to
bed I go to bed like I don't get up I
don't even get up and take a drink so
I'm like 100% out of the kitchen once I
go to sleep so with Ramadan it's really
hard to be like on an actual routine
because there's really no routine with
Ramadan in the sense of eating and then
when you're fasting you don't want to
exercise I mean there are people to do
it don't get me wrong there are
thousands that exercise work life goes
on for them when they fast but for me I
could not picture myself fasting working
out not being able to drink not being
able to eat not being able to do
anything to help my body after doing
something like that so in return I did a
whole month of pretty much not doing
anything so my body has become back to
being weak again my back hurts my legs
hurt which doesn't help with this whole
fall that I did to that
totally did did not open my favor doing
that fall with my knee so in return I
have the fall the pain for my fall still
look going on the bulge on the back of
my leg is getting bigger it's making me
so mad
because my doctors are like there's
nothing wrong I don't see anything wrong
my god it doesn't just appear and have
it be nothing wrong like there's
something seriously wrong with the back
of my leg especially if it's growing
like come on I'm not ready to chop the
damn thing off myself
excuse me only chef said that I'm all
ready to chop it off himself but this is
full you know so so annoying
it really is but anyways so now that
Ramadan is over schools gonna be out
this week life is getting back you know
to our normal Norma C to the as normal
as it can be and yeah we're gonna get
back on track and so this morning I woke
up I haven't eaten nothing I didn't have
time to eat anything so
I'll just Park up here anyways I woke up
this morning I didn't eat anything and I
am going to well I stopped and got me a
tea and then from there I will get some
breakfast when I go home and that will
probably consist of like oatmeal or you
know something like that something
that's wholesome that will help with
making me not be hungry you know or
anything like that but yeah it's just
all about getting back on track and
tweaking my days you know and knowing
that I'm not alone doing this journey
and you know that's the biggest thing is
that's the scariest part is feeling like
you're alone feeling like you know
you're the only one that's going through
something like this and you're not you
know I know I'm not but it's still scary
you know because it's like you get angry
with yourself because you're like why
can't I just be like everybody else why
can't I just eat what I want and you
know not have this mind problem with
food or you know this body figure that I
have you know like why can I just not be
a normal person but then it's like what
is normal there is not a normal person
when it comes to that it's everybody is
in their own element it's not it's not a
cookie cutter situation but in my eyes
it is because I just wish that I could
be one of those people that you know can
wake up in the morning and just not have
to think about things not have to
pre-plan my day and pre-plan what I'm
gonna eat and how I'm gonna do this and
you know when am I gonna get some
workout time in and it just be something
that comes natural is what I wish it
would be and I hope and I pray that it
will be some people asked me because I
know a few months ago I said I wanted to
do a 5k and
clearly I am NOT at a position where I
can do that right now I mean I I'm being
100% honest I'd probably fall over dead
within the first not even half a mile so
you know as much as I really want to do
it I'm not saying that I never will
because I know I want to it's one of my
things on my bucket list and I'm I've
changed it from my wish list to my
bucket list because I believe I can do
anything I want if I put my mind to it
and I work really hard at it so I have
goals of things that I want to reach and
achievements of things that I want to
see happen but they'll happen when the
time comes like clearly so no I'm not
doing a 5k right now I need to just work
on my body and strengthen in it back up
and I've learned a lot over the last
couple of months while being a little
bit more flexible and relaxed on my life
I've learned a lot and so it's more or
less of me just sticking to this and
knowing that this is gonna be a life
long thing this isn't something that's
gonna fix itself overnight it's not
something that's gonna fix itself even
in the next couple of months and then I
can just you know go go to what I
believe is a normal life like it will be
something I struggle with for the rest
of my life and I know that I know it is
something I'm going to struggle with is
it easy
no is this something I have to talk up
in it and accept yes and I will and I am
it's just a matter of continuing to
press forward and having so much support
behind me to say you could do it you can
do it and you will do it so anyways
enough babbling it is almost 950 so I'm
gonna go I am sitting in front of my kit
well sitting on the side of my
counseling office I'm gonna go park and
go in
and get ready for my appointment but I
just want to wish everybody a happy
Monday I hope you guys are having a
wonderful start to your guyses week I
hope everything goes for you guys the
way that you want it to go this week
again I just want to thank everybody for
so much amazing support there is so much
support on my channel right now I could
not be more happy and more excited to
see so many amazing people here
supporting each other supporting me and
I am just beside myself by the amount of
support and so thank you so much and
thank you again for all of the new
subscribers I have joined my channel I
appreciate you guys you guys are what
makes me want to continue to do my
channel you guys are what makes me want
to get up in the morning and continue on
this journey it's not an easy journey
it's a hard journey not only am i
working on my weight and my eating
habits but I'm working with trauma I'm
working with things that have happened
in my past that I never got to deal with
I'm now having to deal with that almost
40 years old so you know life can be
hard sometimes but at the same time I'm
okay I'm okay and I keep telling myself
I'm okay and seeing so many new people
joining my channel tells me that I am
okay and my story is touching people out
there and my story is a letting others
know that they're not alone and that
we're all doing this together and that
makes me want to push that much harder
with my journey of my weight loss and
you know conquering my eating habits and
conquering my eating disorder okay and
and I had worded this the other day
wrong I said an eating disability and I
get what people were saying that this
isn't a disability there's a difference
between a disability and a disorder and
I completely agree with you and so I
want to apologize to anybody that I
offended by saying disability rather
than saying disorder it is an eating
disorder not an eating disability so
please forgive me for that because I
when I was talking I didn't realize it
but when I went back and was reading
comments I was like oh
I guess I did say that so I'm really
sorry and I hope that you guys can
overlook that I did not mean that in any
way possible to be anything negative
anyways I love coming to my counselling
every single week it's just it's that
time of the of the week that I look
forward to and I love it being on
Mondays because it just starts me with a
wonderful fresh start
so anyways with that being said I'm
going to close I just wanted to make a
little video just you know to talk with
you guys for a few minutes but I am I
will check in with you guys here a
little bit later I know I said I was
gonna go live this weekend but like I
said I was so busy trying to get some
stuff done that I really didn't have
time but I will try and go live here
soon
don't forget I have that giveaway coming
up on June 29th I keep saying June 29th
or 28th its 28th or 29th it's on a
Friday so whatever days between the 28th
or 29th that's a Friday that's the day
we're doing it so don't forget to put
your name slash giveaway so I can get
you down into the giveaway list and what
else I think that's it but thank you
again for all of my loyal subscribers
and all my new subscribers you guys have
made my channel blossom so much in the
last few days I just as I see the
numbers growing it just makes my heart
grow that much bigger and it just puts
some bigger smile on me that you would
never imagine like I am so grateful to
see so many people here on my channel
like it's finally happening I wondered
if my channel would ever grow and it's
finally starting to grow in numbers and
it makes me feel so good to see that my
journey is worth sharing for others
because I know that I'm not alone and
there's many people out there that
suffer with the same things I suffer
with and if they don't even suffer
they're here to show support and that
makes such even more of a difference in
the ability to overcome these things and
some days when you feel like you just
can't go on
looking at the comments that I receive
from each of you guys makes me want to
keep going on so that makes a big
difference anyways if you have not
already please subscribe to my channel I
know most of you guys have but if you
have not please please please subscribe
to my channel hit the notification
bubble so you can get notified every
time I go come go live or make another
video and it dropped me a comment I
would love to read some of your crisis
ins and outs and all of the ins betweens
and let you guys know I have been
reading everybody's comments I haven't
been able to get back to absolutely
every comment but I am reading every
comment and I will slowly be getting
back to everybody little by little but
know that I am reading your guys's
comments and every comment you guys have
sent me I have agreed upon every one of
them so just know I am reading them Olly
reads all of them we just we smile every
time we read your guys's comments
because it just makes that much more if
it brings that much more love to my to
my life and I just love it so anyways
I'm gonna close here because I really
got to get into counseling before she
goes and says Amy didn't show up today
but anyways I will check in with you
guys probably tomorrow I may even check
in with you guys later on today we'll
see anyways I love you guys and I will
check in soon bye bye
